


someone to you

by thistidalwave



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Escorts, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13053951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistidalwave/pseuds/thistidalwave
Summary: Connor shifts so he’s more properly cuddling with Ryan, resting his cheek against Ryan’s chest. “This is nice,” he murmurs sleepily. “Too bad we can’t do it all the time.”Ryan hesitates, then throws caution to the wind. “That’s also an option. It’s my job to be whatever boyfriend experience you want from me.”





	someone to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [forks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forks/gifts).



> Title from the [BANNERS song of the same name.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeLaiL9tk68)
> 
> Huge thanks to Elissa for holding my hand through all of this, and tysm to my beta readers <3
> 
> Happy holidays, forks! I hope you enjoy. :)

**From:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 15 December 2022, 10:33 p.m.  
**Subject:** Question

I came across your website and I’m considering hiring you, but I’m not sure I fully understand whether your services are what I’m looking for. Could you maybe tell me more about what the boyfriend experience means?

Thanks,  
Connor

 **From:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 16 December 2022, 9:03 a.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Question

Hey Connor,

Absolutely! The boyfriend experience is basically what it sounds like: you pay for me to go on dates with you. The exact nature of those dates varies depending on what you want from our relationship. I can be company at an event, someone to talk to at the end of a long day, whatever. You’re paying for my time rather than any specific service, but like any date it could go anywhere. :) And of course, everything is 100% private, whether we go out in public or not. I do ask that I see your driver’s licence if you request a date, but that will also stay between you and me.

Hope that helps! 

Cheers,  
Jarromie

 **From:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 16 December 2022, 12:43 p.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Question  
**Image attachment:**`[licence.jpg]`

Hi Jarromie,

Thank you very much for the response. I realize this is late notice, but I was wondering if you’re available to attend a work Christmas party with me on December 19 starting around 7pm until maybe midnight or so.

I’m glad you mentioned discretion because that’s important for me because I’m sort of a public figure. I’m more than willing to pay extra for that and because of the short notice.

I included a picture of my driver’s licence as asked. If you could please let me know either way I’d appreciate it.

Thanks,  
Connor

 **From:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 16 December 2022, 8:46 p.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Question

Hey Connor,

You’re in luck, I’m free at that time. No need to pay extra, standard one evening rate as listed on the site is fine. Your secret is safe with me - that’s my job!

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the occasion? Anything in particular you need or want from me? And of course don’t hesitate to ask me anything at all! 

Cheers,  
Jarromie

 **From:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 16 December 2022, 9:47 p.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Question

Kind of embarrassing to admit but you should probably know what you’re getting into. My ex just got a new boyfriend and they’ll both be at the party. We’re still friends (it was a pretty friendly split and we work together) but I haven’t dated anyone since him so he’s always acting worried about my happiness. I really want to prove to him that I’m not as pathetic as he thinks I am… not sure this is the best solution if I’m honest but it’s what I’ve got, so thank you in advance. 

How do you want to be paid? I would meet you beforehand, but I don’t think I’ll have time so something online might work better if that’s ok. 

thanks,  
Connor

 **From:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 17 December 2022, 7:42 a.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Question

No problem, Connor. We’ll be very in love and very happy so that your ex doesn’t have anything to worry about anymore!

Electronic is just fine, you can paypal me at this email address. 

Let me know when and where to meet you on Monday. :)

Cheers,  
Jarromie

 

If Ryan had been asked to predict where he would be on the Monday before Christmas, there are a number of places he might have said: passed out at home after finishing the last of his final exams for the semester, out with friends celebrating the same, on a plane to his parents’ for the holidays. Basically, he would have guessed anywhere but where he actually is, which is waiting outside a bar on Whyte Ave for the fucking captain of the Edmonton Oilers.

Thankfully, Connor McDavid is apparently a punctual person, because Ryan is only waiting for a minute before he shows up. He’s also somehow _more_ attractive in person than he is on TV. Ryan’s not sure whether he’s thankful for that or not.

“Jarromie?” Connor asks as he approaches Ryan. Ryan nods, and Connor looks relieved. “I’m Connor.”

“Nice to meet you,” Ryan says. “You ready for this?” 

“I just realized on the way over here that we didn’t plan anything ahead of time,” Connor says, obviously panicking. “What are we supposed to say if anyone asks how we met or how long we’ve been together or why I’ve never said anything about you? I don’t know anything about you.”

“Whoa, deep breath,” Ryan says. “Just defer all the questions to me and I’ll work out the details. That’s what you’re paying me for, remember?”

Connor looks doubtful. “Yeah, but…”

“I promise, it’ll be fine,” Ryan says when Connor doesn’t finish his sentence. 

Connor hesitates, then visibly steels himself. “I guess we should go in then.”

“Lead the way,” Ryan agrees, and then adds quietly as Connor is pulling open the door to the bar, “Want to give me a heads up on which one’s your ex, though?” 

“Yeah,” Connor says, hanging back so he can keep his voice lowered. “It’s Leon.” He gestures slightly as they walk toward the group Leon is with, but Ryan recognizes the guy from his study of the Oilers roster.

“Got it,” Ryan says, nodding. 

They close the distance to the group, and Ryan puts his arm around Connor’s waist. “Hey, guys,” Connor says. “This is Jarromie, my boyfriend.”

Ryan turns up his perfect boyfriend persona to the max and smiles wide. “It’s really nice to meet all of you,” he says. “I’ve heard lots about you from Connor.” 

They’re all quiet for a long moment, staring, and then seem to realize what they’re doing all at once. They talk over each other with various greetings and introductions, and Ryan nods along, shaking hands with everyone he can reach.

“Connor hasn’t told us much about you,” Leon says. He’s standing next to a guy that Ryan doesn’t recognize, and out of the corner of his eye Ryan can see Connor’s jaw tighten at Leon’s words.

“We’re a pretty new thing,” Ryan says. “Connor probably just didn’t want to jinx it. Right, babe?” He directs his best lovestruck smile at Connor, pulling him slightly closer, and is gratified when Connor blushes. _Perfect._

“Right,” Connor says. “You guys know how it is.” 

The others all nod sagely. There’s another long silence, and Ryan wonders if this is the first time Connor’s ever brought a significant other to a team event. He should’ve asked how long ago Connor and Leon broke up.

“Do you want me to take your coat and get you a drink?” Ryan asks Connor. “I think I see a coat rack and a punch bowl back there.” 

“Yeah, the punch is good,” a woman Ryan doesn’t recognize tells him.

“That sounds good, thanks,” Connor says. He’s still radiating nerves even as he shifts away so he can take off his jacket, and Ryan wishes he could tell him that it’s all going to be okay. No one ever thinks to question something like this. 

The real kicker, Ryan thinks as he makes his way to the coat rack, is that he’d meant to retire Jarromie entirely. Providing the boyfriend experience to rich unfortunate souls has been a pretty lucrative side hustle, but his bank account is in good shape and he only has one semester of university left. He’d forgotten to take his website down in his final exam fugue state, and only sent that first reply because it was easy enough to copy and paste his generic answer in the hopes of getting a one-time date request to fund Christmas presents. When he realized the email was from Connor McDavid, well… that was definitely too interesting to say no to. 

He pours two cups of the punch, and when he turns around, Connor is right behind him. “What am I supposed to say if someone asks for your last name?” he asks under his breath, panicked.

Ryan bites back a laugh. “Who’s going to do that?” 

“I don’t _know_ ,” Connor says, eyes wide. He’s pretty cute when he’s flustered. 

“It’s going to be fine,” Ryan says, offering Connor one of the cups of punch and trying to sound soothing. “But you can say Noel if you have to.” 

Connor takes the punch and gives Ryan a dubious look. “Is that supposed to be a Christmas joke?” 

It wasn’t—Jarromie Noel is his full middle name—but he smiles instead of saying anything, and Connor laughs. “Okay,” he says. “Jarromie Noel. Cool.” 

“Drink your punch and don’t worry so much,” Ryan tells him. “You’ll feel better.” 

“I don’t know how not to worry,” Connor mutters, but he does take a large gulp of punch. 

Ryan waits until Connor is done his first cup of punch and gets him a refill before they drift over to a different group of people and do the introduction thing again. 

“About time this kid brought someone around,” John jokes. He’s one of the older guys on the team, and he has a firm handshake that makes Ryan feel distinctly like he’s meeting someone’s father, which is weird considering he can’t be too much older than Ryan is. “So, Davo, how did you two meet?” 

“Oh, uh…” Connor stammers. 

“It was at West Ed,” Ryan says quickly. 

“You went to the _mall_?” one of the women in the group says to Connor. He looks appropriately sheepish, though Ryan’s pretty sure that’s not because of any particularly good acting skills. 

“Not a great idea, right?” Ryan says to her. “That’s what I told him when I found him hiding at the back of The Body Shop. This dumbass decided to try and shop for a gift for his mom the same day as the Ice Palace was hosting an Atom hockey tournament. I had to lend him my jacket so he could hide his face while we made a run for the nearest exit through all those little Oilers fans.” 

Everyone laughs at that. “Should’ve made him suffer through autograph signing so that he’d learn a lesson,” John says. 

“I made him take me to dinner instead,” Ryan says, shooting him an exaggerated wink. 

“Like that was a hardship,” Connor says, huffing. He smiles at Ryan and leans into him.

“Sure, but you’ll be sticking to Amazon from now on, won’t you?” Ryan teases. 

“Maybe,” Connor allows. 

“Okay, stop being so cute, I didn’t ask so that I could rot the rest of my teeth out,” John says.

Connor noticeably relaxes after that conversation, clearly trusting Ryan to have his back when it comes to questions about their relationship. Ryan is surprised to find himself having a pretty good time—it’s not like he thought it was going to be a chore, but everyone is welcoming and Connor is fun when he’s not panicking. 

By the time Connor decides to start saying their goodbyes, Ryan has made friends with a fair few of his teammates and earned himself a spot sitting next to at least five different people in the family section at the next home game. Leon’s boyfriend Will even gave Ryan his number in case he ever wanted to get involved with any of the WAG stuff because it would be nice to have another guy there. Ryan would be disappointed that that’s never going to happen, but he mostly just feels like the night was a job well done.

“Thanks for doing this,” Connor says when they’ve ventured out of the warmth of the bar and into the freezing night. “You were great.” 

“Not a problem,” Ryan says honestly. “I had a good time.” 

“I’m glad,” Connor says. He looks nervous again all of a sudden, and Ryan wishes he could lean into him to relax him like he was doing inside. It’s a dangerous thought, but whatever. “Are you parked somewhere around here?” 

“Nah, I took a Lyft here,” Ryan says. “Didn’t want to bother finding a spot.” 

Connor nods. “Do you want me to get you one back home?” 

Ryan would say yes, but that would mean giving Connor his address. It’s not like he thinks Connor is likely to do anything untoward with it, but Ryan’s been doing this too long to stop taking precautions now. “If you wanted to call a cab that’d be easier,” he says. 

“Oh,” Connor says, “yeah, of course.” 

Connor waits with Ryan until the cab comes, which Ryan tries and fails not to find charming. Judging by how easily Ryan forgets himself whenever Connor smiles at him, it’s probably a good thing that he’s never going to see him outside of billboards after this.

 

 **From:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 26 December 2022, 10:24 a.m.  
**Subject:** NYE

Hi Jarromie,

I wanted to thank you again for the other day. I know this is a long shot but are you free new year’s eve? Jesse is hosting a party and his girlfriend asked me if you were coming. Probably should have thought this through but oh well… I can tell them no if you’ve got plans with friends or whoever, of course, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

Thanks,  
Connor

 

It’s not as if Ryan doesn’t _have_ friends that he could be spending New Year’s Eve with. It’s just that none of them sent him a painfully earnest email and then offered to pay him double time when he said he was free. At least, that’s what Ryan is telling himself, anyway. It’s hard to regret it when Ryan already knows most of the people at the party and Connor is a lot more relaxed than last time, making it a lot easier to enjoy himself. 

By the time it’s nearing midnight, Ryan and Connor are sitting on a couch in the corner of the living room, watching a few of the younger guys on the team play video games and trash talk each other. Ryan has an empty wine glass in one hand, his other arm draped across Connor’s shoulders. He’d be ashamed to say that he feels like he might fall asleep at any moment, but when he turns to tell Connor that, Connor looks like he’s in much the same boat.

He’s about to nudge Connor and tease him about being old already, but one of the rookies’ girlfriend chooses that moment to stick her head in the room and demand that her boyfriend be ready to kiss her. A moment later, a chorus of people counting down from thirty starts in the other room. 

When Ryan looks back at Connor, he’s wide awake and staring right back at Ryan. “Um,” Connor says, glancing nervously around the room.

Ryan’s not sure if that’s him asking permission to kiss him or to not kiss him, but either way: “Whatever you want,” he tells him quietly. 

Connor bites his bottom lip. He looks unsure for long enough that Ryan decides that Connor’s probably not going to kiss him. He has just enough time to realize that he’s kind of sad about that before the countdown hits one and Connor actually _is_ kissing him. 

Ryan drops the empty wine glass on the floor. He’s not proud of it.

It takes a second for him to remember to kiss back, but once he realizes it’s happening he puts his hand on Connor’s cheek and leans into it, doing his best to sell it. Someone could be watching, after all. 

The cheering around them is loud as they break apart, but Ryan is too distracted by the way Connor exhales and closes his eyes to really hear it. There are definitely worse ways to ring in the new year than this, he thinks wildly, and he has to bite back a laugh that threatens to escape. 

“Start as you mean to go on, eh? So much for that,” Connor mumbles, and all the warm feelings that had been bubbling up in Ryan’s chest evaporate. He drops his hand from Connor’s face to his shoulder and squeezes, hoping it’s at least a bit comforting. 

“Sorry,” he says.

“No, I’m sorry, it’s not your fault,” Connor says. He shifts away slightly and looks around. “Do you think we can leave now?” 

“Sure, just tell everyone I don’t feel well and we’ll be out of here in no time,” Ryan offers. 

Connor smiles at that. “Okay,” he says. “Thanks, Jarromie.”

 

 **From:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 17 January 2023, 11:56 a.m.  
**Subject:** Dinner

Hi Jarromie,

I hope you’re doing well. :) I’m wondering if you’re available for dinner February 2? It’s a team+significant others thing and as the captain I definitely have to be there. Would be a lot less painful if you were too. Let me know.

Thanks,  
Connor

 **From:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 17 January 2023, 12:13 p.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Dinner

Hey Connor,

I should be! Text me and we’ll hash out details - 780-555-3837

Cheers,  
Jarromie

 

 **Connor ∙ 2/2/2023 ∙ 5:16 p.m.**  
Change of plans, meet me at my place? Going to be late, don’t want u to have to hang out alone

 **Jarromie ∙ 2/2/2023 ∙ 5:17 p.m.**  
Ok! Address?

 **Connor ∙ 2/2/2023 ∙ 5:17 p.m.**  
[sent Google Maps location]

 

Connor answers the door to his perfectly nice not-quite-suburban home shirtless, which is not something Ryan was expecting to ever have happen to him in his lifetime. 

“Sorry, sorry, I’m trying to hurry,” Connor says. “Come on in.”

“No problem,” Ryan says, stepping into the house and following Connor as he heads toward what Ryan assumes is the bedroom. He wonders if Connor is trying to come on to him by being shirtless. It wouldn’t be the first time a client tried that, but it’s definitely the first time that it’s actually sort of worked. “What was the hold up, anyway?” 

“The PeeWee event I was at was supposed to end at four, but I ended up staying later,” Connor says. He pulls a shirt out of his closet and gives Ryan a guilty look. “I can’t help it when they all want to show me cool things they can do, you know?” 

“Of course not,” Ryan says. He wants to sound teasing, but it’s hard not to match how earnest Connor is about it. “Did you let everyone else know? How many people are going to be there, anyway?” 

“Yeah, I did,” Connor says. Ryan attempts not to stare at him for about five seconds before giving up and watching him do up the buttons of his shirt in the mirror. Connor can’t see him doing it from this angle, anyway. “There’ll probably be about six of the guys and their partners.” 

Ryan nods. “Leon?” he asks.

Connor nods and busies himself rifling through his collection of ties. 

“The navy one would go well with that grey,” Ryan says. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Sure,” Connor says, taking the navy tie off the rack.

“How long has it been since you and Leon broke up?” 

Connor doesn’t react save for a brief pause in the movement of his fingers where he’s tying his tie. “Oh, uh, it’s gotta be… over a year now? We were dating for almost three years before that, but it just wasn’t a good idea anymore, if it ever was. Being on the same team, you know, when things went badly they kind of came home with us, so we decided to stop making each other miserable and save our friendship.” 

Ryan can’t help but wonder if it really worked out like that for Connor. “Explains why he’s so worried about you being happy,” he says. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Connor says, shrugging. He turns toward Ryan and gestures at his tie. “Good?”

Ryan adjusts it slightly and smooths down the fabric. “Perfect.” 

“I just need to fix my hair and then we can go,” Connor says.

“You mean this isn’t a fashion statement?” Ryan asks, gesturing at Connor’s haphazard, clearly half-wet hair. “I think it looks pretty cute.” 

Connor blushes. “Shut up.” 

“Nah,” Ryan says, grinning. 

Connor drives them over to the restaurant so that they don’t have to worry about losing each other in traffic. They’re definitely late, but it’s closer to fifteen minutes than the half an hour that Connor predicted. 

“Sorry, guys,” Connor says as he pulls out a chair for Ryan and then sits down in the one next to it. Ryan sits as well, doing his best not to be touched by the gesture. 

“It’s totally my fault,” Ryan says, deliberately smirking. “I distracted Connor.” 

It successfully makes Connor blush and at least half the people at the table laugh. “I ran late with the PeeWee kids,” he protests. 

“Sure you did,” Darnell says, grinning at Ryan from across the table. Ryan picks up his water glass and tips it at him before taking a sip.

By chance—or maybe by Connor’s orchestration with the chairs that were left for them, now that Ryan is thinking about it—Ryan is sitting next to Leon. He doesn’t think too much of it until Connor is distracted talking to John, who’s sitting on his other side, and Leon turns his attention to Ryan.

“So, Jarromie,” he says, “how long have you been dating Connor?” 

“Ah, a few months,” Ryan says. “Since early December or so.” 

Leon nods. “What do you do when he’s not around?” 

Leon’s obviously doing his best to act casual, but Ryan isn’t an idiot: he can see that Leon is trying to vet him. It’s more annoying than Ryan would’ve guessed it would be. “I’m a student at U of A, actually,” he says, putting on his best protective-boyfriend tone. “I’ll be graduating next spring.” 

“Oh, cool,” Leon says. “Connor didn’t mention that. I thought that you’re older than he is?” 

“I am, yeah,” Ryan says. 

Leon pauses as if he’s expecting Ryan to say more, and when he doesn’t, asks, “Do you know anything about hockey?” 

“Well, I am Canadian,” Ryan jokes. “But I also used to play a bit. What about you and Will, how long have you been together?” 

“Since October,” Leon says, glancing over at his boyfriend. “How have you been handling all the road trips?” 

Ryan shrugs slightly. “It’s been all right, I keep pretty busy,” he says. “How does Will handle them?” 

Leon shrugs back. “You’d have to ask him,” he says. “Does it ever bother you that you kind of have to share Connor with all of Edmonton?” 

Ryan stares at him, struck dumb for a moment. “Is that why you two broke up?” he snaps when he regains the ability to speak.

Leon winces. “Sorry, no,” he says. “I just worry about Connor.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s not your responsibility anymore,” Ryan says. He takes a deep breath, pushing down the genuine protective streak that’s grown from his initial act. “I’m glad you’re a good friend to him, though.” 

“I try to be, anyway,” Leon says. “Sorry if I overstepped, I just know that it can be hard for me and Will, so…”

Ryan feels a little bad for snapping, but he’s pretty confident that Leon deserved it. “It’s all right.”

“Are you two getting along over here?” Connor asks, leaning into Ryan and looking at Leon. 

“Absolutely,” Leon says before Ryan can say anything. “I like him.” 

“Oh,” Connor says, looking from Leon to Ryan and back again. “Well, me too.”

Leon starts talking to someone at the other end of the table after that, and Ryan has a conversation about basketball with Darnell for a while. He ends up chatting with Leon a little more as the dinner goes on and the conversation expands to include more of the table. It’s actually kind of nice when Leon isn’t interrogating him, but Ryan is acutely aware of Connor watching them every time. 

“Thanks for inviting us out, Davo,” Jesse says as they’re all standing and putting on their coats, and a few of the other guys nod and echo the sentiment. 

“We should do this more often,” Darnell’s girlfriend chimes in. 

“Yeah, thanks for coming, guys,” Connor says. He smiles at them, but Ryan catches him glancing at Ryan out of the corner of his eye, like he’s checking to see if he heard that. _Interesting_. Clearly tonight wasn’t entirely about captainly obligation after all. 

Ryan waits until they’re in Connor’s car before he says anything. “So,” he starts, “dinner was your idea?” 

Connor winces slightly, but he nods. “It’s always good to get some off-ice bonding in,” he says.

Ryan nods, but the guilty way Connor’s been avoiding his gaze definitely suggests there’s more to it. “Was it because of Leon?” he asks.

Connor shakes his head. “Not really,” he says. “But hey, was he being a jerk to you? It seemed like you were having a kind of intense conversation at one point.”

“He came on a little strong,” Ryan allows, “but I think it was just out of concern for you.” 

“Probably,” Connor says. “Sorry, though.”

“Not your fault,” Ryan says. He pauses, thinking, and then takes a deep breath, hoping that he’s not totally off base with this. “If it’s not about Leon… you know we could just hang out you and me, right? You don’t have to drag other people out if you don’t want.” 

Connor doesn’t say anything for long enough that Ryan wonders if Connor is going to make him get out and walk as punishment for being presumptuous, but then Connor sighs. “I know it’s stupid, but I still feel like I have something to prove. Not to Leon specifically, really, but…”

“I get it,” Ryan says. It’s not the first time he’s pretended to date someone for the sake of appearances, but it’s always hard when it’s loneliness they’re hiding. Ryan can’t really fix that, and he’s fond enough of Connor that the reality of it smarts. “I can see why you feel that way, but honestly, you should worry more about what would actually make you happy rather than what makes you look happy.”

It’s more of an encouragement for Connor to never call Ryan again than anything, but Ryan does his best not to regret it. He’s supposed to be retired from this business anyway, and if there’s one thing he’s learned about Connor in the short time he’s known him, it’s that he deserves better.

“That’s good advice,” Connor says after a moment. “Thanks.”

Ryan shrugs. “I live to serve,” he says, wishing it weren’t quite so true.

 

Ryan doesn’t hear anything from Connor for long enough that he thinks he’s not likely to again, so he’s surprised when Connor texts him the week after Valentine’s Day asking if he’s available for dinner. For a brief moment he considers saying no because Connor should really find himself a real partner—it can’t be _that_ hard when he looks like he does and is a genuinely nice person—but then he shakes the impulse off. He’s been doing this for too long to start thinking like that now.

Connor texts him again almost right away after their first dinner out alone, and then again shortly after the next one, and then again after that, until it becomes something of a standing appointment on the random days that Connor has off and Ryan isn’t busy with school. Connor never tries to kiss Ryan again; in fact, he hardly ever touches Ryan beyond bumping their feet together under the table, even when Ryan kind of wishes he would. 

Despite that, Ryan finds himself looking forward to their dinner dates. It’s certainly not a hardship to talk to Connor about what’s going on in his life and groan at his bad jokes, and if Ryan’s company is something that helps him, then it’s a win for both of them. 

Ryan is nearing his sixth hour in the library when his phone starts vibrating insistently from underneath a stack of papers. Ryan fishes it out and frowns at the caller ID before answering. “Hey, am I late?” he asks. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time he’s lost track of time at the library.

“Hey,” Connor says. “No, you’re good. I’m really sorry, actually, but I was calling to cancel on dinner.”

“Oh,” Ryan says. “Is everything okay?” 

Connor sighs. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he says, sounding like it’s anything but. “It’s just that we played a back to back over the weekend, and it hit me harder than usual. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’ll be all right to go out, but I really think I might fall asleep at the table if I try.”

“That’s all right, you should definitely catch up on sleep,” Ryan says. He eyes his laptop with distaste; he’d been looking forward to the eventual break from this research paper.

“I guess. It just sucks, because I really do feel a lot less pathetic when I get out of this empty house to hang out with you,” Connor says glumly. He sighs. “Sorry to bother you, I’ll let you go.” 

Ryan’s chest clenches at Connor’s tone, and he’s speaking before he can stop himself. “Hey, no pressure, but you don’t have to cancel. We could just hang out at your house and do absolutely nothing if you want.” 

“Really?” Connor asks. 

“Sure,” Ryan says. “That’s what a good boyfriend would do, right?” 

“Oh… yeah, I guess so,” Connor says. “Okay, yeah.” 

“Cool,” Ryan says. “Same time?” 

“I’ll be here,” Connor says. 

Ryan leaves the library half an hour earlier than necessary and tells himself it’s because he’s sick of work rather than because of how sad Connor sounded on the phone. Connor answers his door in sweats and a t-shirt, looking almost as pathetic as he sounded.

“I realized that I don’t really have anything to feed you,” Connor says without preamble. “I just have the pre-made meals in my freezer, and I don’t think anyone else wants those. We can order in, maybe?” 

“Hi to you, too,” Ryan teases. 

Connor’s face turns slightly red, and he steps to the side and gestures for Ryan to come in. “Sorry, thanks for coming over.”

“Of course,” Ryan says. “I’m glad you’re worried about feeding me, but seriously, this is about you. Do you have any food at all?” 

“Uh,” Connor starts, but Ryan is already walking toward where he’s pretty sure the kitchen is, intent on impressing Connor with his cooking skills. Not that he should really be thinking about _impressing_ Connor. This is just part of his job. “I don’t know?” 

Ryan ignores that and investigates himself. Connor’s fridge and pantry aren’t exactly a cook’s fantasy, but there’s enough that Ryan thinks he can piece together a fairly decent stir fry, at least. “I’m a pretty good cook,” he tells Connor. “Let me make something for you.”

Connor’s face when he’s caught off guard and clearly at least a little flattered already is almost worth it all on its own. “Um… okay,” he says. “Can I help?” 

“You can sit right there and look pretty,” Ryan says, gesturing to one of the stools by the island and winking. It’s the kind of thing he’s said to clients before, but he gets way more satisfaction out of Connor immediately obeying than he was really expecting.

Connor manages to let Ryan cook without interference and is appropriately appreciative of Ryan’s skill in turning the scant amount of food he had to work with into an edible meal. Dishes are apparently his breaking point, though, because he refuses to go sit down while Ryan washes them.

“At least let me dry,” he says, clutching a tea towel to his chest as if Ryan is going to take it away. “It’s just a few pans, it’ll go faster.” 

“Fine,” Ryan agrees, huffing exaggeratedly. “I guess I can’t stop you from drying dishes in your own home.”

“Yes, thank you,” Connor says haughtily, but his smile betrays him. 

They’re quiet for a few minutes as Ryan washes the pans and Connor dries. When Ryan glances over at Connor, it’s to see him staring out the window, his smile replaced with a pensive expression. Ryan doesn’t like how close that is to sadness and does the first thing that pops into his head: he picks up a handful of soap bubbles from the sink and puts them on Connor’s nose.

Connor immediately starts laughing, which is exactly what Ryan was going for. “What the hell, dude,” he says, and then he leans down and wipes his nose on Ryan’s shirt. 

“Hey!” Ryan protests just to be contrary.

“That’s what you get,” Connor says. “Keep the bubbles where they belong, mister.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Ryan teases. 

The bubbles stay where they belong after that, and when all the pans are washed and put away, Connor looks at Ryan and asks, “What now?” 

Ryan shrugs. “Whatever you want,” he says. “A movie, maybe?” 

“I’ll just fall asleep,” Connor says doubtfully.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Ryan says, putting his arm around Connor’s shoulder and steering him toward the living room. He leans close to Connor’s ear and lowers his voice. “That’s the point.” 

Connor laughs. “Fine, I get it. You have to pick the movie, though. I’m told I have terrible taste.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, but I accept your terms,” Ryan says as they sit down on the couch. Connor tries to put distance between them, but Ryan frowns at him and pats the empty space next to him. Connor hesitates for long enough that Ryan thinks maybe he’s going to pass on the cuddling—which would be totally fine and within his rights as the one _paying_ for this time, Ryan reminds himself—but then he slides closer and hands Ryan the remote. 

“Pick something good,” he says, settling in against Ryan’s side. 

“I’ll do my best,” Ryan says. He goes with a superhero movie, assuming it’s a pretty safe choice, and Connor doesn’t protest. 

They’re not quite halfway into the movie when Connor shifts so he’s more properly cuddling with Ryan, resting his cheek against Ryan’s chest. “This is nice,” he murmurs sleepily. “Too bad we can’t do it all the time.” 

Ryan hesitates, then throws caution to the wind. “That’s also an option,” he says. “It’s my job to be whatever boyfriend experience you want from me.” 

Ryan waits, but Connor doesn’t say anything to that, and after a few minutes it’s obvious that he’s not going to. Ryan tries not to feel like an idiot; it’s not like he said anything that wasn’t true. 

It’s not long after that when Ryan realizes that Connor is definitely asleep. He smiles to himself: mission accomplished. 

It poses a problem when the movie ends and Connor is still asleep, though. Ryan waits for a moment, watching Connor and wondering if the quiet will wake him up, but then he feels creepy, so he nudges Connor until he opens his eyes.

“Time for bed?” Ryan asks. 

“Yeah,” Connor mumbles, but he doesn’t immediately move to get up. Ryan shoves gently at his shoulder, and all that happens is that Connor kind of sits up. 

“All right, come on,” Ryan says, making an executive decision and pulling Connor’s arm over his own shoulder so that he can drag him up off the couch. To his credit, Connor goes pretty easily when he’s being led; he probably just wouldn’t have bothered with it on his own. 

“God, you’re useless when you first wake up, who knew,” Ryan says as he dumps Connor onto his bed. “It’s a good thing you’re basically already wearing pajamas, I guess.”

Connor stares at Ryan blankly for a long moment and then nods. He gets up long enough to drag his covers back and then crawls underneath them. 

“You good?” Ryan asks when Connor’s lying down. Connor nods, and Ryan turns to go only to feel a hand catch his wrist a moment later. 

He turns back to see Connor looking up at him. “Whatever boyfriend experience I want?” he asks quietly.

Ryan’s mouth goes dry, and he swallows hard. “Yeah.”

“Stay?” 

Ryan’s answering nod is entirely out of his control. He’s definitely in way over his head when he can’t even expect himself to think with Connor looking at him like that, but he very carefully ignores that fact as he takes off his jeans and gets in the other side of Connor’s bed.

He hesitates, eyeing the space between himself and Connor. He definitely shouldn’t move any closer, especially because he wants to, but he can’t resist reaching out to pull the blankets up over Connor’s shoulder. He pats them down carefully, and he’s about to turn over and go to sleep when Connor rolls over and blinks at him blearily.

“What are you doing all the way over there?” he asks, and then he closes the distance between them himself, throwing an arm over Ryan’s chest. Ryan freezes, then takes a deep breath and relaxes into it. 

At least he didn’t do it to himself, Ryan thinks as he drifts off. He has that small comfort. 

 

When Ryan wakes up, Connor is still pressed against him, but they’ve moved in the night so that Connor’s back is to Ryan, his hair tickling Ryan’s face. Ryan lets it keep happening for a moment, too content to want to move, and then abruptly becomes far too aware of the situation and the feelings that led to this to be able to stay still anymore.

He extracts himself from the bed slowly, but he’s obviously not careful enough, because Connor wakes up with a soft groan and an adorable pout. Ryan immediately goes to the bathroom so that he can’t stare at him any longer. 

When he comes back out, Connor is in the kitchen. He holds up a box of cereal like a question, and Ryan nods. Connor pours him a bowl and then pushes the bowl and a carton of milk over to him. Ryan sits down across from him and starts pouring milk on his cereal.

They’re both quiet for a few minutes, eating their cereal, and then Connor breaks it by saying, “Thanks for staying over.” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Ryan says. 

Connor nods, and the room falls silent again. Ryan is trying to get his tired brain to come up with a topic of conversation that isn’t the way Connor’s hair curls over his forehead when Connor speaks again. 

“You know, I kind of hate that I don’t know what your real friends call you now that we’re getting to know each other better,” he says offhand. He frowns and looks up at Ryan, adding quickly, “Not that you ever have to tell me or anything, this is totally my problem, I was just thinking about it.”

Ryan is kind of touched that Connor cares, if he’s honest, and it’s probably the way that Connor doesn’t assume he deserves to know that has Ryan saying, “It’s Ryan.”

Connor stares at him. “What?”

“My name,” Ryan says. “Ryan.”

Connor keeps staring for a moment, then shakes his head, disbelieving. “Wow, okay, cool. Ryan,” Connor repeats. “It suits you. Where did you get Jarromie?” 

“It’s my middle name,” Ryan explains. 

Connor nods. “Have you ever told anyone that?” he asks. “Any clients, I mean, obviously.” 

Ryan shakes his head. “Never given anyone my phone number before, either,” he admits. 

Connor’s smug smile is endearingly crooked. “What makes me so special?”

Ryan doesn’t think he can put words to it without being incredibly embarrassing, not to mention unprofessional, so he just shrugs. Connor waits for a moment, then looks thoughtfully down at his cereal bowl. He’s clearly gearing up to ask a question, and Ryan is dying to know what it is, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits.

“Is it…” Connor starts, and then shakes his head. “Do other people pay you to keep them company like this?” 

Ryan shrugs. “Yeah, some people just want companionship,” he says. “There are others who think they can just hire me for sex, but that’s not what I do.”

“Oh, so you don’t sleep with any of your clients?” Connor asks, surprised. 

“No, some of them I do,” Ryan corrects. “I’m still an escort.” He watches the surprise disappear from Connor’s face, replaced by a blank expression. Ryan waits, but when he doesn’t say anything else, either, he can’t help but ask, “Does that bother you?” 

“What? No,” Connor says. “It seems less weird to me to pay for just sex, if I’m honest.” 

Ryan laughs, then frowns when Connor continues to look genuinely worried. He shakes his head. “I don’t think you’re weird at all,” he says. “But hey, if you wanted to make it less weird, we could do that, too.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Connor. 

Ryan is self-aware enough to admit that he’s slightly disappointed when Connor laughs instead of even kind of taking Ryan seriously, but when they say goodbye later, Connor kisses him low on his cheek, almost at the corner of his mouth. Ryan finds himself absentmindedly pressing his fingers to the spot when he should be finishing his research paper that evening and very carefully doesn’t consider that it was a lot more than _slightly_ disappointing.

 

 **From:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 5 March 2023, 10:53 p.m.  
**Subject:** Question :)

Hey,

Back to a slightly more formal method of communication to ask you a slightly more formal question. If I wanted the boyfriend experience to be a standing arrangement where you’re around my place when I am (and without interrupting your school), what kind of rate would you charge? 

Also wanted to say thank you for everything again, no matter the response :)

Connor

 **From:** Jarromie `[jarromie93@gmail.com]`  
**To:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 5 March 2023, 11:07 p.m.  
**Subject:** RE: Question

This is what you made me check my email for? We can discuss rate in person, I’m right here, you non

You’re welcome, though :)

Ryan

 

Their new standing arrangement means that Ryan goes over to Connor’s before he’s set to arrive so that Connor doesn’t have to come home to a cold, empty house in the dead of winter. He usually tries to be cooking, too, because Ryan’s of the opinion that there’s little more welcoming than a warm oven. Besides, Connor is pretty much always hungry.

They’re a couple weeks into that arrangement when Connor comes home from an afternoon practice to find Ryan lying on the couch in his sweats, staring absently at the TV. He’s been feeling kind of weird all day, and he’s not even quite sure what he’s watching; it hadn’t seemed important until he heard Connor at the door. He double checks the time on his phone and groans as Connor walks into the room.

“Shit, sorry, I was going to start dinner, but…” Ryan trails off, frowning at the way Connor is looking at him like he’s surprised Ryan is there at all. 

Connor seems to shake himself out of his stupor and waves Ryan off. “It’s cool,” he says, sitting down on the other end of the couch and putting his feet in Ryan’s lap. “We’ll order in. What do you feel like?” 

“Are you sure?” Ryan asks, still disconcerted. “I’m just a little tired, I can still cook.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Connor assures him. “I’m feeling Italian, you?”

“You’re always feeling pasta,” Ryan teases, “but yeah, that’s fine.” 

Ryan manages a burst of energy long enough to ask Connor how practice was and listen to him talk while they wait for the food to come. Almost as soon as they’re done eating and Connor turns on the Netflix show they’ve been watching, though, Ryan feels himself flagging.

The next thing he knows, he’s blinking awake to the Netflix menu and Connor’s worried face. “You okay?” he asks. “You never fall asleep on the couch, that’s my thing.”

Ryan laughs and regrets it when his body physically hurts. “I don’t know, I’m feeling a little off,” he says, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Maybe I just hit the gym too hard this morning.” 

Connor leans forward and puts the back of his hand against Ryan’s forehead, then against his cheek. “Wow, you’re really hot,” he says, frowning. 

“Bet you say that to all the guys,” Ryan says, cracking a smile at him.

Connor gives him an unimpressed look. “Seriously, I think you have a fever. Don’t move.” 

Ryan has no difficulty following that instruction, even if it is kind of the worst when Connor stands up and leaves the room. He comes back a couple minutes later with a bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water. He hands the water to Ryan and shakes a couple pills out of the bottle before offering those as well. 

Ryan takes them, making a face. “I should probably go,” he says, even though all he really wants is for Connor to sit back down and put his feet back in Ryan’s lap. “I don’t want to get you sick.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Connor scoffs. “You need to go to bed, not drive home.”

Ryan shakes his head. “I can’t get my germs all over your bed,” he argues. 

Connor huffs, but he obviously knows as well as Ryan does that he can’t afford to get sick, not when the Oilers have a road trip coming up and a playoff spot to hold on to. “I have a guest room,” he says. “Come on.”

He offers Ryan a hand up, which Ryan refuses to take until he’s actually vertical and the room spins a little bit. “Shit,” he mutters. This is a lot worse than he thought. 

“Steady,” Connor murmurs, taking the glass Ryan’s still clutching out of his hand and putting it down on the coffee table. He puts his arm around Ryan’s waist and supports him as they walk. Ryan can’t stop thinking about putting a half-asleep Connor to bed and how much he likes that Connor is doing the same for him. 

Ryan is distantly aware that he should be insisting that he go home, because this is the opposite of him providing Connor a service. He lets Connor guide him to the guest room even as he’s trying to figure out how to insist he leave, and by the time he opens his mouth, he realizes that he’s already under the covers in bed. This is bad. Connor treating him like an actual boyfriend is exactly the kind of thing Ryan was afraid might happen when Connor asked for the full-time boyfriend experience, and how much he found himself wanting that is the reason he almost said no. It’s the reason he _should have_ said no. 

Connor hesitates at the door as he’s leaving and then turns around. “Sorry, I was thinking that you shouldn’t be driving when you’re not feeling well, but I didn’t think about the fact that you might want to go home and be in your own bed. If you want me to drive you, I will.” 

It’s the perfect way out, but a couple weeks and a fever haven’t made him anymore able to deny Connor—or himself—anything. He shakes his head. “I’m good here,” he says, and then, without thinking, “Just gonna be weird sleeping without you.” 

Connor’s expression softens. “I’ll leave the door open so you can just yell if you need me.” 

Ryan immediately feels stupid. It’s dumb enough that he’s letting Connor take care of him without making him worry, too. “I’m fine, Connor, it’s just a fever,” Ryan assures him.

“Okay,” Connor says. “Still, you know where to find me.” 

Ryan nods, and Connor finally leaves the room. True to his word, he leaves the door open. Ryan slumps back into the pillows and pretends everything about this is totally fine.

 

Ryan definitely has the flu, and he’s still sick enough when Connor has to leave two days later that Connor tells him in no uncertain terms to stay at Connor’s place. He then frets about leaving Ryan alone for long enough that Ryan thinks he’s going to miss his flight and has to threaten to get out of bed and physically drag him outside to make him leave. Connor texts from the airport to remind him that there are crackers in the pantry, and Ryan resolutely ignores the way his chest clenches with affection.

Connor calls to check in every day, and on the third day, he orders soup to be delivered when Ryan idly complains that he doesn’t want to move even though he’s feeling better. Ryan ignores how he feels about _that_ , too, but he does send Connor a selfie of him beaming with the soup. 

The road trip is a pretty long one, and when Ryan tells Connor he’s recovered, Connor stops texting to check in. It’s probably just because he’s trying to give Ryan space, but Ryan is kind of sad about it anyway. By the time Connor is due to be back Ryan has been feeling close to one hundred percent for a few days—long enough that he’s had enough energy to start catching up on the classwork he’s been neglecting. 

The evening before Connor is supposed to be home late, one of Ryan’s friends texts him to complain that he hasn’t hung out in awhile and guilts him into going out to play a pickup game of basketball. His friends give him shit about his new mystery client, especially because they thought he was retiring, but Ryan just laughs them off. It gets him thinking about what it would be like to introduce Connor to his friends, though, and he's distracted enough by telling himself to _not_ think about it that he ends up with an unfortunate elbow to the face. 

When he gets back to Connor’s, he almost sends Connor a selfie with a bag of frozen peas on his face, but he stops himself at the last moment. He’s already blurred enough lines here, he doesn’t need to bother Connor with trivial shit when it doesn’t have anything to do with him. Besides, the last thing he wants to do is make Connor worry; it’s probably not even going to bruise.

Connor gets home after Ryan is already asleep, so Ryan is up before him in the morning. He’s humming to himself while frying eggs when Connor wanders into the kitchen. 

“Nice to see you up and about,” Connor says from behind Ryan.

Ryan turns around, already smiling involuntarily. “Nice to see you… too…” he says, trailing off when Connor’s eyes widen in shock, followed immediately by anger. “Uh, are you okay?” 

“That’s what I should be asking _you_.” Connor crosses the kitchen to Ryan and reaches toward Ryan’s face as if to touch, but stops short. “Did one of your other clients do this to you?” he asks through clenched teeth. 

Ryan touches the side of his face Connor is reaching for and winces. He must have a pretty good shiner for Connor to be this angry. Maybe he should have sent that picture after all. “No,” Ryan tells him. “It’s fine, I was playing basketball with some friends and I took an elbow to the eye.”

Connor looks suspicious; to be fair, Ryan supposes his very real explanation does sound sort of like an excuse. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Ryan takes Connor’s hand and laces their fingers together, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m totally sure,” he says. “Do you want eggs?”

“Yeah, okay,” Connor agrees. He squeezes Ryan’s hand back before he lets go, but Ryan can’t help but notice that he gets quiet after that. Ryan tries to get him to liven back up with questions about the road trip—the Oilers won all their games on it, so it should be a positive topic—but Connor still doesn’t say much. After a while, Ryan realizes that Connor’s also avoiding looking at Ryan’s face, which… Ryan’s not sure exactly how he feels about that, but it’s definitely a weird emotion.

Ryan keeps expecting Connor to say something else, and the longer he doesn’t, the more tense Ryan feels. After they’ve put away the breakfast dishes and wandered into the living room, Connor sits down farther away than usual on the couch, and Ryan can’t take it anymore.

“Okay,” Ryan says, “out with it. You clearly have something to say.”

Connor looks caught out and opens his mouth like he’s going to protest, then shuts it again. He sighs. “Look, I… I’m fine with your job, okay? I know I’m not the only client you have. But I need to freak out for a little bit, all right? Because I can’t background check every person you take a job with, even if you’d let me, and what if something happens to you? It just never really occurred to me before that what you do could be dangerous, and…” He trails off, shaking his head. 

Ryan feels terrible. For a moment, he considers telling Connor that he doesn’t really _have_ any other clients anymore, but it feels like that would be showing way too much of his hand. Instead he just nods and says, “Sorry, that’s totally understandable. I know it probably doesn’t help, but honestly, I’ll be fine. You can’t background check my clients, but I can and do, and nothing bad has ever happened to me.”

“You’re right, that doesn’t really help,” Connor says, giving Ryan a grim look. 

Ryan shrugs helplessly, and Connor shrugs back at him. After a long, silent moment, Connor reaches for the remote and turns the TV on. He puts on their Netflix show and then moves closer to Ryan. “I’m sorry,” he says, leaning against Ryan.

Ryan shakes his head and puts his arm around Connor. “There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he says. “I can’t really be mad that you’re worried about me, can I?” 

Connor laughs slightly at that, so at least there’s that. 

Later, after they’ve gone to bed, the lights have only been off for a moment when Connor says, “You know, it was weird sleeping here without you when you were sick for me, too.” 

_Fuck_. Ryan has no idea what to say to that, and he’s still trying to figure it out when Connor mumbles, “Do you ever wish things were different?”

 _All the fucking time,_ Ryan thinks. “Different how?” he asks.

“I dunno, never mind,” Connor murmurs, moving closer and resting his cheek on Ryan’s chest. “G’night.”

“Night,” Ryan says. Connor’s breathing evens out almost right away, but Ryan lies awake for a long time after that.

 

The Oilers have a home stand over the next week or so, but Ryan has final papers to get done, so he goes home for most of it. He manages to get enough work done that he doesn’t even feel guilty when he goes over to Connor’s the night before he’s leaving for the last west coast road trip of the season.

Connor looks worried almost immediately when Ryan shows up, and Ryan laughs at him. “Don’t look so glum,” he says, holding up the grocery bags he brought. “I come bearing food.”

“Your bruise looks even worse than it did before,” Connor says, taking some of the grocery bags from Ryan and heading into the kitchen. 

He’s not wrong; the bruise has faded, but now it’s a pretty gross combination of yellow and green. Ryan has been getting a lot of weird looks from strangers. “Pretty gnarly, right?” 

“Yeah,” Connor agrees. He’s clearly trying to act casual, but he’s still got his worried face on.

“You’re pretty freaked out for someone who both sees bruises and has them all the time,” Ryan teases as he unpacks the food. 

Connor shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s you,” he says. “I can’t help it.” 

Ryan freezes, the can of tomato sauce in his hand halfway to the counter, then forces himself to put it down. “What about when Leon used to get fucked up playing hockey?” he asks.

“Leon’s face is always kind of fucked up from playing hockey,” Connor says, shrugging again. 

Ryan raises his eyebrows. “That seems doubtful, considering what I’ve seen of Leon’s face.” 

Connor rolls his eyes. “Either way, that’s hockey,” he says. “At least I was always there and knew he was okay.” 

Ryan can’t argue with that, so he busies himself with putting water on to boil and starting to chop vegetables. Connor sits down to watch, well-trained in leaving Ryan alone when he’s cooking. 

Ryan is stirring vegetables in the frying pan when Connor cautiously says, “Hey, can I ask you a question?” 

“Sure,” Ryan says, turning to look at him.

“I swear I’m not trying to, I don’t know, control you,” Connor starts off carefully, “but seriously… how much would it take for you to stop seeing other clients? I know we worked out a lower rate than your usual, and I just… I can’t stand worrying about you all the time.”

Ryan bites the inside of his lip, staring at Connor’s earnest face. The smart thing to do would be to keep pretending he has other clients to stop seeing and take more of Connor’s money, but he just… he doesn’t need more money, and it would feel too dishonest to say he does.

“I don’t have any other clients,” Ryan says, and as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he knows he’s well and truly fucked. He’s never had a problem lying to clients before—his whole job is a lie. But Connor’s always been different from the rest of them, no matter how hard Ryan tried to convince himself that wasn’t the case.

“What?” Connor asks, confused.

“I haven’t had any for a long time,” Ryan admits, turning back to the frying pan so he doesn’t have to look at Connor’s face. “Before you, actually, so. Don’t worry about it, I don’t need more money.”

Connor is quiet for a moment, and then Ryan hears him get up. He comes around the kitchen island and touches Ryan’s arm lightly. “Look at me,” he says softly, and Ryan can’t help but listen. Connor searches his face for a few long moments before he says, “You’re telling the truth.” 

Ryan nods. “Yeah. I don’t know why I told you that, but yeah.”

Connor kisses him full on the mouth. Ryan kisses back, leaning into it, and he chases Connor’s mouth when he pulls back. Connor lets him kiss him again for a second before he steps away. “Stir your pan, Ryan,” he says, smiling, and then he goes and sits back down like it’s nothing.

Ryan stirs his pan and smiles stupidly to himself. 

 

Ryan doesn’t have much time to think about what Connor kissing him changes about what they’re doing before Connor leaves the next day, but once he’s gone it’s basically all he can think about. He tries to distract himself with his schoolwork, but his mind keeps drifting back to that moment in the kitchen. It definitely felt like something shifted between them, like Connor might consider himself more than just a client, and Ryan feels guilty about liking that so much.

He gives in to his brain and goes over to Connor’s house early to watch his game in Vancouver, since Connor is supposed to be home late that night anyway. It’s a good one for the Oilers, who get on the scoreboard early and maintain the lead by large margin. Ryan spends most of it waiting for Connor to be on the ice so he can admire his hockey, so he’s looking right at Connor when he gets creamed by a Canuck and goes down hard.

Ryan sits up straight, leaning toward the TV like that will help him figure out if Connor is okay. He gets up fairly quickly, but the commentators seem to think he won’t be getting back on the ice, and sure enough, after a minute, the screen shows Connor heading down the tunnel. 

Ryan fumbles for his phone and sends Connor a text to ask if he’s okay. The commentators are talking about concussion protocol, and Ryan mutes the TV so he doesn’t have to hear it—and then promptly unmutes it in case they give an update on Connor. 

There are only five minutes of play left in the game, and Connor doesn’t return for any of them. Ryan sends him another text a minute before the game ends, and then another once it’s actually over. He doesn’t get a response and the TV moves on to a different game, so he turns it off and tries searching Twitter for post-game interviews. Frustratingly, they don’t interview Connor; the Oilers’ goalie does say that he thinks Connor is all right, but Ryan doesn’t trust him to know.

Finally, finally, he gets a response from Connor that says he’s fine, but at that point it’s been nearly half an hour of Ryan working himself up, and a text isn’t nearly good enough. He sends back “Call me!!!” and is relieved when his phone starts ringing a couple minutes later.

“Hey,” Connor says when Ryan answers, sounding like his normal self. “I really am fine.”

“You’re sure?” Ryan asks. “You got checked out and everything? You’re not lying to make me feel better?”

“No, I’m not lying, and yes, I got checked out,” Connor says. “Concussion protocol is so fucking annoying, I knew I was fine as soon as I stood up.” 

“Hell no, you didn’t,” Ryan admonishes. “That’s what professionals are for.”

“But they didn’t even let me go back out when they were done,” Connor complains. “There was still a minute left!” 

Ryan laughs. As much as it would have been a relief to see Connor playing at the end of the game, it’s kind of hilarious now that he knows Connor is okay. “You guys were up by four. I think your team had it handled.”

“Whatever,” Connor grouses, and Ryan laughs at his petty tone all over again.

“Thanks for calling me,” he says. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“No problem. I didn’t know you cared so much,” Connor jokes.

Ryan frowns into the phone. “Of course I do, idiot,” he says, unable to help how serious his tone gets.

Connor doesn’t say anything for a moment, and Ryan bites his lip, waiting. “Ryan…” Connor says softly, “I—”

He cuts himself off, and Ryan can hear his muffled voice tell someone that he’s on his way. He comes back, voice clear again, and says, “I have to go, they’re calling us to the bus.” 

“Okay,” Ryan says, trying to sound cheerful even though he’s dying to know what Connor was going to say. “See you when you get home.”

“See you,” Connor echoes.

 

Even though Ryan doesn’t know what Connor was going to say on the phone, he’s pretty sure it was something big, and that coupled with how worried Ryan got about him has him convinced that they can’t keep on the way they have been. Ryan has to tell Connor that he has feelings that go beyond their arrangement, even if that means exposing just how unprofessional he’s been and possibly ruining everything entirely. 

Once he’s decided to do it, he can’t stand the idea of waiting until the next day, so he sits up on the couch waiting for Connor to get home. He goes over and over what he’s going to say in his head, trying to keep himself awake, but he must eventually fall asleep at some point, because when he wakes up it’s to Connor leaning over him, his hand on Ryan’s shoulder and his face right next to Ryan’s. Connor smiles when he sees that Ryan’s opened his eyes. “Hi,” he says quietly. 

“Hi,” Ryan says. Met with Connor’s face so close to his, all the things Ryan planned to say go sailing out of his head, and he does what seems most prudent: kissing Connor. 

Connor kisses him back, and Ryan grabs onto Connor’s shirt and tugs him down until he’s settled on top of Ryan on the couch. Ryan knows that he should probably stop and actually talk to Connor, but he’d much rather just keep doing this for as long as possible.

They make out for what feels like a long time. Ryan eventually gets his hands under Connor’s t-shirt, and Connor lets him pull it over his head. Ryan drops it on the floor and busies himself attempting to touch every inch of exposed skin on Connor’s body. It’s not nearly enough, and he reaches for Connor’s jeans.

A moment after he starts fumbling with Connor’s belt, Connor pulls away from kissing him. “Don’t,” he says, and Ryan stops short, pulling his hands back. “I’m sorry,” Connor continues, moving back until he’s at the other end of the couch. “I can’t do this.” 

Ryan stares at him for a long moment, trying to get his brain to come back online. “No, I’m sorry,” he says. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have started it. You have your moral boundaries, you can keep them.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with morals,” Connor says.

“Then what?” Ryan asks, raising his eyebrows.

Connor looks away and doesn’t answer. He picks his shirt up off the floor and starts putting it on. Watching him do that hurts in a way Ryan wasn’t expecting. 

“Do you just not want me?” he asks. “Does it bother you that I get paid to do this?” 

Connor looks at him with disbelief. “What the hell, no, of course not.” 

“Then what?” Ryan asks again, frustration leaking into his tone. He’s mostly angry with himself for getting himself into this mess at all. He should have retired when he meant to, email from Connor or not. Then he feels terrible for thinking that at all, because he would never want to give up the time he’s spent with Connor, and then he feels bad about _that_ , too.

“It’s nothing like you’re thinking, okay?” Connor bursts out. “It’s because I want it too much.”

Ryan stares. “What?” 

“I want _you_ too much,” Connor says quietly, looking away from Ryan again.

Ryan thinks he knows what Connor means by that, but it seems so unbelievable that Ryan needs him to say it, so he asks, “If you want me, then what’s the problem?” 

Connor looks right at him, and the pained expression on his face goes straight to Ryan’s heart. “If we have sex, I won’t be able to handle it when this is over.”

Ryan takes a deep breath. “Why does it ever have to be over?” he asks. 

“Come on, Ryan,” Connor says, shaking his head. “We both know what this is. I can’t pay for you to be my boyfriend forever.” 

“Connor, I don’t—”

“Maybe you should just go, actually,” Connor interrupts. “I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now.” 

“Do what?" Ryan asks.

“Deal with this and my job. Playoffs are coming up, and I really need to stay focused.” Connor says. “Maybe we can talk after playoffs?” 

Ryan frowns. “I think we should talk about it now, because—”

“Ryan, please,” Connor interrupts again, eyes pleading. “Can you just leave? Fuck, never mind, it's the middle of the night. Maybe the guest room?”

“I’m not sleeping in your guest room,” Ryan says. “I can drive home.”

“Are you sure?” Connor asks, but he sounds more relieved than anything.

There’s obviously no point in trying to argue when Connor’s set on this. “Yeah, if you want me to go, then I’ll go,” Ryan says. 

He gets up and hovers for a moment, hoping that Connor will stop him, but Connor doesn’t even look up. He tries to think of something to say, but he’s too afraid of being interrupted if he says anything except goodbye, and he’s not doing that, so he just walks out of Connor’s house in silence.

By the time he gets home, he has a new email telling him that Connor sent him a payment for the full amount he would have paid for the night. Ryan stops short of throwing his phone in frustration and opens PayPal instead. He accepts the payment and then transfers the entirety of Jarromie’s balance—every penny that Connor has ever sent him—right back to Connor. 

_It hasn’t been about this since New Year’s_ , he types into the note. 

 

It’s not as if Ryan was expecting to hear from Connor right away, but he did think he might hear from him _eventually_. Instead, it’s nothing but radio silence for months. Ryan finishes his last class projects, takes his last ever final exams, and officially graduates from university. He thinks about emailing Connor every day, and when the Oilers are eliminated in Game 7 of the Conference Finals at the end of May, Ryan gives in and calls him two days later. Connor never calls him back.

Ryan decides to take it as a blessing instead of getting frustrated about it; he should really have his life together without Connor before he goes and demands that they have that talk he was promised, anyway. He walks in his graduation ceremony at the beginning of June and then throws himself into job searching, emailing every faculty member he’s ever been on even vaguely good terms with and sending out cover letters to any listing that even kind of looks good.

He interviews a few places, but it’s one of the places that a professor referred him to that ends up offering him a job. By then it’s mid-June, and Ryan has absolutely no problem bothering Connor.

A bit of a wrench is thrown in his plans when he realizes, thanks to Twitter, that Connor is in Toronto. He tries calling him and isn’t really surprised when he doesn’t get an answer. He stares at his phone for a long few minutes, trying to figure out what to do, before he abruptly remembers that Leon’s boyfriend gave him his number all the way back in December. 

Thankfully, Will is still dating Leon, and after Ryan explains who he is and what he needs, he’s willing to have Leon call Ryan. Ryan paces in his kitchen for the five minutes before his phone starts ringing.

“Hello,” Leon says when Ryan answers, sounds vaguely suspicious. “Will says this is Jarromie?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says. “Actually, you can call me Ryan, but that’s not why I’m calling. I need your help.”

“Uh, okay… Ryan,” Leon says. “I thought Connor broke up with you back in February? It seems a little late to be trying to get him back or whatever? And what's with the new name?” 

“It was more like April,” Ryan says, trying not to think about how Connor’s team must have thought he was spending all that time alone. “And Jarromie is my middle name… uh, it’s a long story that I can’t really tell you, you’ll have to ask Connor, but I just want to talk to him. I was wondering if maybe you could get him to call me?” 

Leon is quiet for long enough that Ryan has to check that the call is still going. He’s all too aware of how insane he sounds, so he wouldn’t have been at all surprised to see that Leon hung up. “You know, you having broken up in April makes a lot more sense,” Leon says slowly, “because Connor was a lot happier before that. You’re not going to do anything to upset him again, are you?”

“All I want is to make him happy,” Ryan says honestly. “That’s all I ever wanted.” 

“Okay,” Leon says. “He’s going to be back in Edmonton on Friday morning. He’s here over the weekend to shoot a commercial, so I’m sure you can catch him at home at some point. I don’t know what time exactly.”

“That’s fine,” Ryan says. “Actually, that’s really great. Thank you so much, Leon.”

“Good luck,” Leon says. “If I know Connor, you’ll need it.”

Ryan takes a shot in the dark and drives over to Connor’s on Friday evening, hoping the commercial isn’t something that needs to be done at night. The lights are off when he pulls into the driveway, but Ryan thinks maybe he sees the flicker of blue TV light as he walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.

He steps back and waits, his heart in his mouth. It takes a minute, but finally Connor opens the door, and Ryan smiles at him involuntarily. He looks thinner than the last time Ryan saw him, a product of his long playoff run and it not being too far into the summer yet. 

“Hi,” Ryan says. “I think you promised me we could talk?” 

Connor ignores that and asks, “How did you know I was here?”

“Leon told me you would be,” Ryan says. “I owe him one. Well, two, if you count that he’s the reason we met in the first place.” 

Connor frowns. “I don’t really want to talk,” he says. “I thought we were done with all of this. I’m not going to pay you anymore, I just can’t do it.”

Ryan raises his eyebrows, disbelieving. “Uh, have you checked your email in the past few months? Because you might want to.” 

Connor hesitates for long enough that Ryan thinks he might still slam the door in Ryan’s face, but then he pulls out his phone. Ryan can tell the moment that he reads the email from his shocked expression. “You shouldn’t have done this,” he says, looking up at Ryan. “I’m—”

“Yes, I should have, and don’t you dare do something stupid like try to send it back,” Ryan interrupts. “I meant it. I haven’t needed you to pay me to hang out with you for months. In fact, I’ve had time to think about it, and I haven’t been all that happy with our arrangement. See, I want to do things like hang out with your friends and introduce you to mine. I want to cheer you on from the family section and help you bond with your team off the ice. I want to come home from work at the end of a long day and be able to talk about it with you. I loved what we had, but I want this to be _real_ , and I don’t want it to have an end date.” 

Connor stares at him, stunned, but when he opens his mouth to speak, Ryan says, “Wait, I also wanted to tell you that I graduated and found a job. I even told Leon my real name without telling him anything you wouldn’t want him to know. I’m done with Jarromie, have been for a while. It’s probably not that much to offer someone like you, but you can have all of me, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, if you want.” 

He takes a deep breath. “Okay, you can talk now,” he says, and then rethinks that. “Actually, can I come in? Don’t really want to be rejected on the porch. Then again, don’t really want to be asked to leave again, so on second thought, the porch is good.”

“I’m not going to ask you to leave,” Connor says, and Ryan’s heart leaps. 

Connor steps aside and holds the door open for Ryan. Ryan goes inside, and Connor closes the door behind him. “Um… congratulations on graduating,” he says awkwardly.

“…thanks,” Ryan says. “Is that all?” 

“I don’t know, I wasn’t really expecting any of this!” Connor says indignantly. “Give me a second to catch up, eh?” 

“Sorry, I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to say,” Ryan says. “Could you hurry it up, though? I’ve missed you a lot, and I really want to be touching you right now.” 

All the tension in Connor’s body seems to leave him at once. “Fuck, I’ve missed you, too,” he says, and Ryan can’t do anything but hug him at that. Connor clutches him back just as tightly. 

“Hold on,” Ryan says after they’ve been hugging for a couple minutes. “Let me do something.” He intends to let Connor go, but then it seems just as easy to pull his phone out behind Connor’s back and open his personal email account. 

“What are you doing now?” Connor asks, but he doesn’t let go either.

“Check your email,” Ryan tells him after a moment. 

He tucks his face into the crook of Connor’s neck and tries not to laugh while he waits. When Connor starts laughing, he can’t hold it in any longer, even as Connor pulls back from the hug and looks him in the eyes. 

“You’re so dumb,” Connor tells him. “Of course I will.” 

They’re both still laughing when they kiss.

 

 **From:** Ryan Nugent-Hopkins `[nugentho@ualberta.ca]`  
**To:** Connor `[eeriestotter79@gmail.com]`  
**Received:** 18 June 2023, 7:43 p.m.  
**Subject:** Question

Will you be my boyfriend? 

<3  
Ryan

 **From:** Connor McDavid `[cmcdavid@edmontonoilers.com]`  
**To:** Ryan Nugent-Hopkins `[nugentho@ualberta.ca]`  
**Received:** 18 June 2023, 10:12 p.m.  
**Subject:** RE: FW: Question

To make my IRL answer very official, yes.

<3  
Connor

**Author's Note:**

> Join me [on Twitter](http://twitter.com/thistidalwave) for more soft Oil boys feelings where these came from.


End file.
